Death Living To Tell About It


"The ambulance is on its way, but they are not here yet. I cannot think clearly, although I think about concentrating… think Brian, Think…You know, when confronted with the real possibility of dying, a strange calm envelops you. I breathed easier facing the obvious conclusion…I was going to die today. My thoughts turn to my family again. I brought each one, one at a time into my head. Reminiscing, missing them, then: BANG. The fifth and final shock of the day interrupted my dream. The shock barely moved my already limp body. I lie there, motionless, and lifeless waiting for the ambulance. In the background, I finally hear the sirens. I hope they can save me. I hope they are not too late…"

"In the coming weeks, I saw my endurance and strength disappear, until one day, my walking trips were over. In less than 2 months, all the strength I needed to walk was gone. Without so much as a letter of introduction, End Stage Heart Failure had arrived. I tendered my resignation in the latter part of winter, 2005. Just like that, my working days were over. I had worked nonstop since I was 15 years old (1969) and now it is over. My body swelled with panic and depression as the realization of what lies ahead begins to sink in. My wife Denise flew out, helped me pack up the truck and we drove home to San Antonio. What will become of us? How will we survive? Who will provide my health care and keep me alive? Will I be able to stay alive?"

"Take the pain or go to the emergency room. It is usually a tough call. Every time I go to the E.R. I have to take off all my clothes, get one or two catheters placed in me and get medicine that usually makes me sick and gives me a headache. I do not ask to go to the hospital because I am bored. I go because I think I may be dying. So I am not going to die this trip…good…hand me my pants. They are right over there."

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